


viii

by tothemoonjun



Category: SEVENTEEN (Band)
Genre: Angst, Implied/Referenced Abuse, M/M, Past Relationship(s), Side Boogyu - Freeform, The Author Regrets Everything, and thats all bc i dw to spoil, im sorry, this is just sadness
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-02-09
Updated: 2019-02-09
Packaged: 2019-10-25 03:50:08
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,780
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17717507
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/tothemoonjun/pseuds/tothemoonjun
Summary: another brush of paint.it was all for junhui.





	viii

**Author's Note:**

> hello~ it's me again kkk  
> i've written this fic for quiet some times now but never have the nerve to post it since it's kind of... dark? problematic? idk, but after some thinking i decided to post it anyway. 
> 
> well, you've been warned! i just want to say i'm SOOOOO SORRY in advance. and i swear i love both junnie and haohao so much!!

i.   
"shit," mingyu cursed as he throw his phone on the desk. he brushed his hair back in frustration.

it's been two weeks since he last contacted minghao because his job was getting hectic. now that he did have time and call, the said guy didn't answer any of his calls. it made him worried.

the little electronic on mingyu's desk light up again. he quickly glance at it, hoping it was his best friend finally calling him back after a major stomachache and bathroom visit. but the name that popped up made him sigh, it's not him, though a small smile slowly creeping up the tall man's face.

"kwannie," he breathed, the name feels like honey in his mouth.

the boy in the other end rolled his eyes, noticing the tiredness in the taller man's voice, "yeah, right. sorry for calling."

"no! i'm so glad you called, babe. i miss you," mingyu said. he sat on his chair after he felt a little relaxed thanks to his lovely boyfriend's voice.

"whatever," seungkwan mumbled, faking an annoyed tone even when his smile is getting wider. "you still up for tonight's date?"

oh, right. tonight's date.

"hey, i'm sorry but i think we should postpone our date," mingyu said sadly. he felt bad for seungkwan because they haven't met for almost two weeks and he misses him so bad and wants to cuddle but minghao is probably in his excluded apartment, either dying or about to be.

"is this about your shitty best friend?" mingyu heard seungkwan snorted at his best friend's name but mingyu swore rather than hatred, there was more sadness laced in his voice.

mingyu hummed as a yes and they both lost in their thoughts, memories, and guilt for quiet a moment until seungkwan broke the silence. his voice hoarse when he said, "okay, i understand. he needed you more than i did now. call me when you get home alright?"

"yeah, sorry kwan. let's arrange another date, okay? maybe this weekend?" mingyu suggested, "or... do you want to come with me to minghao's?"

"nah," seungkwan said slowly, he pretended to cough to cover up his little sobs that apparently very evidence to mingyu but he decided to keep quiet about it, "you know i haven't forgive him after all the things he done to junhui."

a part of mingyu wants to stood up for this long-time best friend. he wanted to tell seungkwan how guilty minghao felt and how deep down he loved and still loves junhui up to this point. but just like himself, he understands seungkwan can be very protective towards his best friend too. after all, seungkwan and junhui already friends since they were babies and seungkwan himself always thought junhui as his own brother. so what can mingyu do honestly? no matter how guilty or big minghao's love for junhui is, it can't deny the fact that his idiot of a friend had hurt junhui. and mingyu can't blame seungkwan for hating him, even if it lasted forever.

ii.   
mingyu didn't even bother to knock on the door, he knew it won't be locked in the first place. he expected to see his best friend lied on his stomach, getting thinner and wearing the same loose t-shirt he wore a month ago with cups of instant noodles littering the foot of his bed. but instead, mingyu was welcomed with a neat room. minghao was nowhere in sight and for a moment it alarmed mingyu, but then a slender body appeared from behind a door. he ran a little, carrying a fake plant and place it by the window.

the man himself wore a pretty decent outfit, a flannel with black tees underneath. his pants seeming to be newly washed and, if his eyes didn't play tricks on him, mingyu saw that he wore a little make up.

"hao?" he called gently as to not startled the man, he still did anyway.

"gosh, what are you doing?" minghao snapped at him, his face clearly painted with annoyance.

"you didn't answer my calls and i'm worried. i brought you food, have you eaten?" mingyu placed the food and another bags of groceries worth a month meal on the kitchen counter.

minghao wasn't sure when was the last time he ate. three days ago? a week ago? it didn't matter anyway. he's not hungry.

the shorter man shrugged, "not sure but that's a lot of food you brought."

mingyu nodded, "yeah, you can keep these foods in the fridge."

"thanks,i guess?" minghao said it more like a question, "but you can take those, i had plan tonight. i'm eating outside."

the last time minghao was out of his apartment was six month ago, it was when junhui packed his bag and never coming back again. mingyu felt relieved, at least his best friend finally moving on. he wanted to asked for more details, wanted minghao to tell him everything until it made him rolled his eyes like he did when he was with junhui. until mingyu himself knew junhui's sleeping patterns and his comfort foods. however it's been months since minghao ever utter any words other than slight mumbles to him and he didn't want to mess everything up by pushing minghao, so mingyu slowly took some steps back to the door, wishing minghao a good night and ran towards the parking lot, calling seungkwan he's stopping by his flat and asked whether he should grab some condoms along the way.

he had left too quickly to see the new paintings on minghao's easels, they were all junhui.

iii.   
minghao sat on one of junhui's favorite food place. a cup of coffee was served in front of him but he hadn't took a sip even once. he kept on jumping on his seat, head turned too often everytime he heard the door being opened.

it's been an hour and half. junhui still nowhere to be seen. he checked his phone for the message they both sent to each other last night and thought that maybe he got things wrong again.

iv.   
a brush of paint.

his smile during their first encounter. how those red lips had been beautifully curved up in a childish manner. the voice was a little deep yet still very soft. his name rolled out of his mouth like mantra and changed minghao's world forever. it was the prettiest word minghao ever heard.

another brush of paint.

the many nights they spent together. be it drunken or sober. be it inside the cheap bar or junhui's small living room. be it full of laughter or just staring at each other in silent. how minghao misses those eyes that sparked at the thought of late night cartoon marathon and spicy take outs or minghao's name.

another brush of paint.

his face was casted under the moonlight. the faint glow made him look more angelic than he already was. there were thousands of stars above them that night but minghao could only saw stars in junhui's eyes as he told him he loved him. the three little words that always been in the tip of his tongue.

another brush of paint.

and the next thing he knew he threw his palm hard over the other's cheek. the cheek he had caressed so much over the years. 

minghao hadn't been himself lately. it might be because of his job. might be because of stress. might be because of the sleeping pills. might be because his parents kept asking him to leave junhui. might be because junhui had been looking so down lately and it was all his fault. 

fresh fat tears rolled down his two beautiful eyes. he wiped them harshly, exposing blue on his right arms as he did so. minghao watched the scene as if he just woken up from bad dream. he knew where things would go from this point, he just realized it but he was in no state to do the right things and just stood there like an idiot while junhui slowly pushed himself away.

another brush of paint.

it was all for junhui.

v.   
there was a soft knock on the door and minghao groaned lazily from under his blanket. how many days did he sleep through? he didn't know. probably a couple days or three, mostly. he went to check on his phone but it had run out of battery. the sky behind his curtains are still the same as the last time he checked. everything was just as how he left them before he slept. dozens of junhui's paintings surrounding him just felt as hollow. the thorns in his chest still wounded him. minghao really wanted to see him again. to love, to kiss, at least to say sorry.

he got up from his bed to charge his phone. ignoring the knock on his door.

vi.   
"you've been coming around a lot lately," seungkwan remarked with thick sarcasm in his voice, but mingyu could still feel the younger's smile as he kissed his neck.

"am i not allowed to see my boyfriend?" he said between kisses and seungkwan's moans.

"i don't know, you were so busy with that piece of trash last month. everything okay now?"

mingyu is hyper aware who the piece of trash his boyfriend referred to. "don't call him that, we all know he regret it."

"regret can change nothing, kim mingyu," seungkwan snapped. it was rare for both seungkwan and mingyu to call each other full names. it was only done when discussed something serious or more. mingyu didn't regret it when he stood up for his best friend however he is sorry that he did it rather unwisely. minghao might be hurt, so much. but so does seungkwan.

"sorry, kwan i didn't mean it like that," mingyu said soothingly as he pulled seungkwan into a tight hug. glad that the younger didn't push him away. "it seems minghao is moving on and seeing someone. last time i went there he was about to eat out with that person."

a minute or two was dragged in silence. both too preoccupied with each other thought. thinking about the past, about what to say to not hurt each other. it was between junhui and minghao but mingyu and seungkwan often feel like they walk over strands of glass too.

seungkwan snuggled deeper into mingyu's embrace, receiving a chuckle from the taller. "to be honest i'd hate it if he ever find happiness again but at least i can have my boyfriend all to myself this way."

vii.  
blood drained from mingyu's face the moment he check up the huge package in front of minghao's door for too many reasons. firstly, that particular box was sent by minghao's parents which probably very important and it was left out there for at least three weeks long. dusts were already caked on its surface and the signed date told him the mailman had been here at least sometimes last month. secondly, this whole thing only meant minghao haven't been out of his room for at least as long as the box were there, which probably meant more than a month ago--probably almost two months long. mingyu cussed under his breath. he felt very bad because he thought his friend was alright all along. does this mean his date last time didn't work out? does this mean he still weeping over his past love? and the third most scariest of all is of course his lover's outrage. even without looking mingyu can tell how furious seungkwan is. it's true that seungkwan hates minghao to the bones, despise him even. but deep down mingyu knew there's part of him that cares about his best friend. well if not for himself or mingyu, perhaps it was a feeling he keeps for junhui.

mingyu considered to ask seungkwan to go home but of course before he even as far as open his mouth, his lovely boyfriend already banged the door open. both men's jaw dropped at the first thing they noticed when they got the full sight of minghao's room.

so many pictures hanging, lying, literally scattering the whole room. it was all their friend's portrait; junhui smiling with his favorite pajama, junhui looking out of the car window, junhui playing with kitten in front of a chinese restaurant, junhui sleeping soundly, junhui sprawling on the bed naked, junhui crying...

"what the fuck?" seungkwan said angrily, faint tears forming in his eyes. those teary eyes soon snapped toward the far end of the room. mingyu followed his gaze and found minghao sitting by the easel, yet again half-finished picture of junhui is evidently adoring the canvas.

mingyu was too starstruck to move or even to think. the next thing he knew is seungkwan is already beside minghao, turning him around by the shoulder and slap him hard on the face.

"who gave you the right to paint him again?" seungkwan hissed with venom. it's clear how his lips waver and his shoulders are slightly shaking. "stop doing this. stop thinking about him, you're not worthy even as much as thinking about him."

minghao just stared blankly at the floor, or maybe seungkwan's shoes because it was in black and blue color. junhui's favorite.

"you know how much you had hurt him all those times? he even hide those bruises you left him from me! what did you do to him? weren't those time enough? weren't this just enough? stop playing the victim and act as if you are the miserable one here. I'm so sick of you," seungkwan spat but minghao honestly couldn't digest most of what he was saying. his mind flew to the moment of their first encounter, when things were alright, happy, and new. seungkwan had said he and junhui would make a great pair. he had been so nice to minghao back then, he used to tell minghao the tricks to get junhui. from his favorite food to his birthday. maybe seungkwan will help him again, maybe this time too he would take his side.

slowly, minghao raised his head to face seungkwan. the younger of the two looked like he could throw up at any moment but minghao notice none of it. his mind too preoccupied by the possibilities. "help me," minghao whispered, so quietly seungkwan had thought he imagined it.

"help me, please," he plead again, louder this time. "i really miss him. i want to start over again, i promise i'd be better. i just want to see him smile next to me, i want to wake up with him in my arms. please, i've been trying to call him but he never answered. can you tell him i'm very sorry? hm? i love him so fucking much i feel like dying."

no one dare to speak for a whole minute. seungkwan just stared down at him, trying to make out of what the other man was saying, and mingyu is too nervous to even move a finger.

"you tried to contact junnie-hyung?" seungkwan asked in a low dangerous tone. his eyes filled with evident terror.

minghao nodded, "yeah, for too many times. i want to see him i feel like i'm going crazy i just-"

"you are crazy!" seungkwan's voice boomed for the whole apartment complex to hear. one, two tears slipped down his eyelash. slowly at first, and after a short while the cry became more frantic. the tears streamed down like waterfall. "why'd you call him? for god sake, junhui is gone! you need me to spell it for you? have you out of your mind this whole time? he's gone for good the night you kicked him out."

a humorless chuckle.

"does this mean you never visit his grave even once all this time?" another bitter laugh, "God, you really don't deserve junnie."

with a quick feet, the youngest man in the room disappear behind the door. he made sure to slam it shut and make the hanged paintings rattle.

"he's right, hao," mingyu's voice strained as he watch his friend stared at nothing, eyes too far to reach. "i'm so sorry."

viii.   
years passed, brushes broken, paintings hanged, pictures stared.

in front of an easel minghao sat, a brush in hand.

it was his hundred-something portrait of junhui but he can't quite pull it right since the image of the older is slowly fading away from minghao's mind; the carefree smile, the twinkling eyes, the soft tips of his hair--all gone. but despite the circumstances, minghao's heart still aches.

he still misses junhui like he always does, even through the thick mist of his own memories.

**Author's Note:**

> thank u for reading ^^


End file.
